I miss my friends... / Serbia Reflection

...as crazy as they are.

I've got 3 of my very best friends on speakerphone over Skype. I miss them so much! I love listening to them. Even though we're discussing housing for next year (our housing lottery is next week)... it's great. My voice is really hoarse and I'm trying not to talk too loud, because everyone else is asleep, but I'm not hanging up because I haven't had a phone conversation with anyone at CUA for a long time!

We got back from Belgrade safely. It was a good trip. I'm pretty beat now, but that might just be because its 1:15am. I didn't unpack either, because I only took my backpack, some clothing and my senses to Belgrade, so there isn't anything to unpack anyways.

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I had to deal with some awkward questions when I walked in the door. Branka was home and she was so happy to see me! She made me some tea and we sat in the living room, where the guys were watching soccer (per usual). The kids wanted to know which I liked more, Zagreb or Belgrade? (I lied). I knew in coming back, I'd have to answer a lot of questions about what I thought about Serbia/ns, especially from Slavan. He asked me right away if "I killed some Serbs" (he wanted to give me a knife for that before I left, remember?). He asked me something about the Shiptars (the derogatory term for the Roma). Also, he asked me who I thought was "guilty" for the wars.

I can awkwardly laugh off the question about killing Serbs, that is just silly to me. The question about the Roma I didn't quite understand and all I heard was "Shiptar," so I'm blowing it off. The question about who is "guilty" is another issue all together. I should have just told Slavan it was the Serbs' fault, it would have made things much easier. I tried to say that as an American, as an outsider, it wasn't my place to determine guilt or responsibility. That didn't go over well at all. He started yelling that I was an anthropology major! That I studied these things! That I should realize what the Serbs did to the Croats! Really, Slavan, the wars of the 1990s started because of many reasons, on many different fronts. It isn't reasonable for me to answer that question.

I think that is what I liked so much about Serbians. They didn't try to deny their role in the wars. The people I talked to admitted that Serbia was the bigger power, thus holding a greater responsibility. They pointed out that war crimes were also committed on other sides and reminded me that the entire Serbian system (political, economic, social) collapsed. They are still faced with the consequences today. Economically, they are farther behind Croatia and the global recession is hitting them hard. Politically, everything is corrupt. An interviewee stated to me, "It was better in the '90s, because then you were clear who the opposition was. Today, you just don't know. You can't trust anyone." Serbians still need visas to travel, which limits the people's interaction with the greater global community (I think that this is detrimental, because it prohibits young people from going out into the world to experience other modes of organization and frames of meaning... something that would definitely help Serbia's society to evolve).

I don't really know what the solution is or what I should have answered. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when you're running around telling people that all Serbs are bad (especially your kids - who will eventually pick up the pieces of something they aren't collectively responsible for). Not all Serbs are bad, not all Croats are good.

Next week, I get the Bosnian perspective(s). I guess that I should rest up.